is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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