yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
