I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
