he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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