Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
