ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
