Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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