I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
