how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
