hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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