thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
