So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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