He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
