New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
