I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
