i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
