i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
