this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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