Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
