Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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