we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
