once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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