a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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