Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
