do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't just leave with hair like that
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize