whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
