i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
