Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this boner is exhausting
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
