I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
