I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I understand Curling. That high.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
