so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
