I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
