wanna go halves on a baby?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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