So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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