The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
