Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
