She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
