I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
