Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
