I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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