At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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