party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
