she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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