Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
