I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
