I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
