I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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