It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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