We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
