cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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