Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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