I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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