All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
