I just saw a hot homeless man
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You ruined the universe
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
