Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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