Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
