I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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