Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
