I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
