I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
