I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
