Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
