im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
