Please, let me fuck your mom
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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