hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
