your room smells of hookers.
And success
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
