No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This toilet bowl is my home.
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