11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
