Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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