the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
