i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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