she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
