so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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