Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
