Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I love you.
Bad choice
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