I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
