where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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